*Falling Apart*

Hey everyone! I wanted to let everyone know that this point in my life is probably the hardest so far! Im stuck between trying to figure out my purpose in life, finding that special someone and trying to feel great about how i look! What do i do? I mean i have never been this weak before but all of this is getting to me! I cry myself to sleep every night! My family can see that somethings wrong but i dont wanna tell them whats wrong! Every day they ask if their is something wrong and i shrug my head no...I feel lost in the world! Will anyone come bring me out of the darkness? Fading in the world makes me a white wall on a building that means nothing to someone. What should a person do when they are abandoned from their friends? trying to get that feeling of relief and love seems to fade away from people. I'm falling apart! All the pieces just seem to skatter farther and farther everyday.....and missing my old love doesnt seem to be helping...

~Matthew Lopez~

What The Hell

Okay let me bring everyone up to speed! Okay so here we, i am Matthew Lopez, my birthday just passed in June, and i am 19. I work and go to school. Its about a couple of weeks before i got to school and i am typing to you all to catch up again! So i have something to really say! People do not understand me now a days. has it ever happened to any of you when you do so much, and take a lot of time out of your own time to help the family, and or keep the family a float? You sacrifice everything if you need to! You put your blood and sweat into things....but no matter how hard and how much you do things for other people they always seem to forget to say thank you, or they to appreciate anything you do? i really really hate that i feel like that right now. I am here typing in my room with my brother on his new laptop, and my mom is in her room which is here to the right of me...and to be honest i am annoyed. Not because they are here, im annoyed, upset, hot and bothered, because i keep doing so much in this little apartment we have and no one ever seems to want to say thank you, or even go out of their way to do anything for me. And its like they dont like me being here....everything is happening that i always get the shit end....my mom suggests something and my brother agrees, and i disagree....worst thing to do now....because then i have them both telling me off because i even said something!!! When i talk to them i can admit sometimes i give attitude...more now because i cant stand this anymore....but i also say something and they think im giving them attitude all the time.....my brother doesnt talk to me as much anymore since he got his new lap top.....my mom is always mad at me.....but whos the one who cleans the house...wash the dishes...help his OLDER brother get into school...help my mom with financial issues...or go to the store to buy groceries...or even buy gifts for their friends....its exhausting!!! My mom told me today "to stop trying so hard!" and i was so mad! I cant believe she would even say that....its like i do what i can because no one else in this fucken apartment seems to want to do it....everyone is so fucken lazy!!! and i cant stand it....i do everything because i personally dont like the apartment looking like a mess, but seriously i know my mom doesnt like it dirty....and when it comes to my brother i know he just gets on my nerves and lets me do everything because he knows i will and that will help him from not doing it and getting out of doing it!!! I am so mad....and when i try explaining it to my mom, she looks at me like im crazy and she tells me off because she thinks im being rude! here is my own solution for this! i am going to go ahead and since i bought myself a new MP3 player, i am just going to listen to it all the time and stay away from them....and when they see that im not talking to them anymore they are going to get worried....welll at least my mom would! But i have a feeling whats going to happen is that im not going to be able to have that pass so easily! i know for a fact once i let them know why im so upset and why im not talking to them and staying away from them for a while, they will lash out at me, and get upset....but thats not worth them getting upset over and yelling at me for it....because its how i feel and if they cant respect that then that would be so rude...i probably would talk to either of them for a while! but this is what ive been trying to let out for the past three weeks....and i personally dont know what to do....i just know what to do when it comes to the circumstance of me fighting with them! hopefully it wont get to that! Well thanks for those of you who read this....who ever you are...and if their is even anyone their reading it!

~Matthew Lopez~

*Winter Quarter*

Hey everyone....sorry for the late update on whats going on over here in my life of living and going to school at Bakersfield. Well let me give you a little update since i haven't. LOL, OK for those of you who do or don't know i am recently attending school at California State University of Bakersfield. It's pretty chill up here that's for sure. Nothing is open 24/7 like in LA, but the people who live here are pretty fun to hang out with. Theirs been a lot that has happened in this past quarter. For those of you who know Dania, you will probably be shocked when i say this, but my BFF AE AE, now has a Boy Friend. LOL, and you guys are going to laugh when you guys find out who she is with! Well just to let you know, Michael, the guy who lives next to me in the dorms, is with Dania! I know that sounds weird but I'll explain everything. OK well i met Michael and his roommate David my first week of the school year. All of us have been hanging out with each other, and i really got know him a lot. Not even Jon and I are as close as i am with Michael. Well i mean now we are but that's a whole other story. (by the way, Jon is my roommate) So after getting know him, i introduced him to DEE over skype, interesting enough they really clicked, and after a while talking to each other, they exchanged numbers to chat with each other, such as texting each other like all the time. Well Dania got kinda Jealous because Michael kept talking to her about this other girl that he really liked, but things led to another, and he really began to like Dania, and Dania really started liking Michael, it was really cute to see how Dania would flirt with Michael, especially with her eyes. She loves to just flutter them up and down with such grace that it can make you shiver...i mean in a good way. LOL. Anyways, well after her chats with him, they really did begin to like each other even more, so when she came up to Bakersfield for a weekend they decided to get together, it was quit beautiful. Anyways, after that I had to talk to Dania because I heard from her less, and hardly knew what to talk to her about because all she could think about was talking about Michael. It was kinda sad, i mean i felt like I had no one to talk to. But after having a long talk with her, everything is cool now! I don't really think theirs anything else i need to talk about because that was the major thing that has happened. Anyways, I do believe that They both make a cute couple. I really don't know what else to say, sso the last thing that im going to leave with. Is Peace out "A" Town! :P

~Matthew Lopez~