What The Hell

Okay let me bring everyone up to speed! Okay so here we, i am Matthew Lopez, my birthday just passed in June, and i am 19. I work and go to school. Its about a couple of weeks before i got to school and i am typing to you all to catch up again! So i have something to really say! People do not understand me now a days. has it ever happened to any of you when you do so much, and take a lot of time out of your own time to help the family, and or keep the family a float? You sacrifice everything if you need to! You put your blood and sweat into things....but no matter how hard and how much you do things for other people they always seem to forget to say thank you, or they to appreciate anything you do? i really really hate that i feel like that right now. I am here typing in my room with my brother on his new laptop, and my mom is in her room which is here to the right of me...and to be honest i am annoyed. Not because they are here, im annoyed, upset, hot and bothered, because i keep doing so much in this little apartment we have and no one ever seems to want to say thank you, or even go out of their way to do anything for me. And its like they dont like me being here....everything is happening that i always get the shit end....my mom suggests something and my brother agrees, and i disagree....worst thing to do now....because then i have them both telling me off because i even said something!!! When i talk to them i can admit sometimes i give attitude...more now because i cant stand this anymore....but i also say something and they think im giving them attitude all the time.....my brother doesnt talk to me as much anymore since he got his new lap top.....my mom is always mad at me.....but whos the one who cleans the house...wash the dishes...help his OLDER brother get into school...help my mom with financial issues...or go to the store to buy groceries...or even buy gifts for their friends....its exhausting!!! My mom told me today "to stop trying so hard!" and i was so mad! I cant believe she would even say that....its like i do what i can because no one else in this fucken apartment seems to want to do it....everyone is so fucken lazy!!! and i cant stand it....i do everything because i personally dont like the apartment looking like a mess, but seriously i know my mom doesnt like it dirty....and when it comes to my brother i know he just gets on my nerves and lets me do everything because he knows i will and that will help him from not doing it and getting out of doing it!!! I am so mad....and when i try explaining it to my mom, she looks at me like im crazy and she tells me off because she thinks im being rude! here is my own solution for this! i am going to go ahead and since i bought myself a new MP3 player, i am just going to listen to it all the time and stay away from them....and when they see that im not talking to them anymore they are going to get worried....welll at least my mom would! But i have a feeling whats going to happen is that im not going to be able to have that pass so easily! i know for a fact once i let them know why im so upset and why im not talking to them and staying away from them for a while, they will lash out at me, and get upset....but thats not worth them getting upset over and yelling at me for it....because its how i feel and if they cant respect that then that would be so rude...i probably would talk to either of them for a while! but this is what ive been trying to let out for the past three weeks....and i personally dont know what to do....i just know what to do when it comes to the circumstance of me fighting with them! hopefully it wont get to that! Well thanks for those of you who read this....who ever you are...and if their is even anyone their reading it!

~Matthew Lopez~